I recently had a friend ask me what a metro was and I found myself struggling to explain the complexities that make up a metrosexual man. It was a bit of a mind boggling process, and quite time consuming, so I found myself coming up with a guide to detect and differentiate a metro from a normal run of the mill man. So here ya go. Enjoy.
First of all, what is a metro? I read in Wikipedia that a metro is, “according to British journalist Mark Simpson, the trait of an urban male of any sexual orientation (usually heterosexual) who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle”
That is a metro in a nutshell, but in today’s mixed up and confused world it is not always so easy to tell a metro from a normal man. So here is a few tips to differentiate the two.
When grooming, a normal man will (on a good day at least) get up, take a shower, run a comb or even just a hand through his hair, brush his teeth, and then slather or spray some powerful odorous thing under each arm in an attempt to ward off any unpleasant…musk. Toenails and fingernails are trimmed haphazardly, often with old clippers or sometimes even teeth (though usually this only applies to fingernails). Hair products are minimal, save for when attempting to attract a female at which point product is applied with often unfortunate results, though after some time the average male can get some semblance of style down consistantly, whether good or bad. Likewise when attempting to impress the opposite gender, men will drown themselves in cologne or aftershave, trying to gain the notice of women through the pure power of smell alone. Why they do this is a very curious thing that many of us women still do not understand to this day. Perhaps they just have poor noses in comparison, it is a very inexplicable and strange phenemon.
When it comes to style, the average man has simple and classic tastes. Usually jeans or cargo pants and a t-shirt, long or short sleeved. If they feel like being a bit on the hip side then they will wear hoodies with trendy logos or pictures of dogs doing some kind of activity possible only for humans and meant to be somehow amusing. Obscene and/or clever quotes and wittisisms are very popular these days too, especially on T-shirts. If they are a bit more on the classy side then they will wear sweaters often picked out for them by some relative or other but one that they wisely choose to wear nonetheless. If it is an especially wise man he will choose one that flatters him, which is all too rare these days unfortunately. Footwear is generally sneakers, though hiking boots are not uncommon. Occasionally you will run across converse or skater shoes, though this is more in men under thirty and depending on the young man’s extracurricular activities and if they involve rolling about on a piece of wood with wheels and jumping it off anything they can, resulting often in injury and somehow also resulting in them being “mega cool.”
When it comes to accessories, normal men generally wear them out of neccesity and not the giddy joy that women and metros wear them for. Sunglasses are worn when the sun is out, unless they are making a desperate attempt to be cool in which case they were them whether it’s sunny or not and often look like they’re trying much too hard. Socks are often of the tube variety and will commonly have multiple holes in them, which is likewise common with underwear and in fact every other article of their clothing as well. Watches are manly and functional, and often very durable despite the fact that the most strenuous and dangerous thing the man will be doing is pumping gas or pulling in at McDonald’s. The titanium encased watch face is rarely ever touched, let alone in danger of being scratched, and the nuclear radiation proof coating is very much, a superflous and wasteful extra. Real men never ever wear scarfs unless they are snowboarding, in which case they will always be made of some quirky flannel in a vivid color, or unless their mother’s raised them to believe that it is ok for men to wear scarfs, in which case it is a sad and persecuted life the poor lad must have led.
The most manly of men will have pockets and loops everywhere. These are places to put tools that they do not have but have a place to put if the need should ever arise. 99.9% of men never ever use these pockets and loops, but it is important to them that they be available just in case they obtain some tool and need a place to put it. When it comes to pants, everything they wear is also double stitched. No trousers for these men unless it is forced upon them either through religion or occupation, at which point they will immediately rebell and put on a pair of sweat pants upon returning to their homes. Often with white tube socks and little else, depending on the man.
There is usually a cardinal rule when it comes to hats and coats for normal men. If it looks appropriate to wear whilst shooting a deer or other woodland creature, then it is suitable for their needs. Stocking caps or hats with earflaps are always the manliest of head garb, and if they can be found in some kind of plaid then so much the better. Plaid after all, is a man’s favorite color.
Now that we have covered the habits of most normal men, let us go on to metros!
When a metro arises in the morning, he knows he has much to do. He gets up, showers and exfoliates, usually with a product that either smells of food or a spice of somekind, preferably sandlewood as it is one of the more sophisticated scents. He rinses, lathers, AND repeats with some great shampoo he bought at the salon, often in a shiny red or metallic blue bottle that cost $14.95 and is gone in about two and a half weeks at the rate he uses it. When through with his shower/exfoliation he steps out and dries, putting on a designer deodorant of some kind, often Calvin Clein or Armani. From there he goes for the face, putting on his specially medicated, dermetologist reccomended facial scrub, rubbing in clockwise circles in order to stimulate blood flow to the skin and bring about a fresh healthy glow. He rinses and pats dry with the gentlest touch possible, whereapon he begins the shaving process, which is always with a normal razor for the closest shave he can, and followed up with a lightly scented after shave. Eyebrows are checked in a magnifying mirror to make sure that there are no strays since the last waxing, and plucked quite carefully if there are any. A dual sunscreen/moisturizer is used next and then after dressing, he can start on his most troublesome and time consuming task. The hair. A metro’s hair takes on average anywhere from ten to forty five minutes of preparation. If his stylist cut it correctly and he has his art down, it will take less time, but if he wants to look particularly good, the very same style will take an extra thirty to thirty five minutes, just to be sure every hair is in place and isn’t going to go anywhere. A metro is well educated in the different kinds of hair product and which ones look the best with his hair type. He will buy several kinds for variety and for different occasions and keep them all neatly on the counter for display and easy accessibility. Q-tips are used in nearly every way you can imagine, for a metro knows how to use these small and wonderous grooming tools to the best of their advantage. Toenails and fingernails are never clipped by the metro. Such things are far too important to handle oneself. Instead manicures and pedicures are had every week or two in order to keep them cuticle free and properly shiny. When it comes to cologne, the metro has a very light touch. Knowing that just a hint of some highly expensive and subtle scent is more than enough to drive women to distraction as opposed to overloading her senses and giving her a headache.
Clothing is almost as important to a metro as his hair is. He buys everything he owns at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch. There are no exceptions unless he wants to go especially fancy and buy designer. His jeans usually are either faded or ripped, but it is never ever on accident. They fit well over his thighs and fanny and then flare out just the tiniest little bit at the ankles in the trendy boot cut style. As for boots though, he never wears them. No, he wears flip flops if at all possible, even in icy frigid 30 degree wheather. If he is indeed forced to wear actual shoes, the metro will wear sneakers, but not just any sneakers, truly fancy and aerodynamic sneakers. Often puma and in bright green, yellow, or red, depending on the outfit. T-shirts may be worn, but they are always either a solid color or they bear the logo of the store they were bought at. Sweaters can be worn, but are not very common, instead you will more likely find trendy and fitted hoodies in various colors, though none so common as brown. Socks are always well kept and very short. You often will not see a metro’s socks because of this fact, that is if he’s even wearing any at all. It is also not uncommon to see a metro wearing pink. It is very popular and one of the surest ways to spot a metro from a mile away. Keep in mind however that there are some normal men who wear pink because they find it amusing. Do not get these confused with real metros. Poser men wear pink with amused grins, real metros wear pink with pride.
When it comes to accessories, metros shine. Watches are often leather and in the form of a trendy cuff, often giving them a rebellious little statement which they know is very attractive. Necklaces are not uncommon, but only if they are made of small sea shells or certain types of small pendants. No chain necklaces will be seen on a metro, for that is a breach of good taste. No bracelets are found either unless they are those rubbery rubber band like ones that often say things like, “Luck,” and “Joy” on them. These are the metro’s bracelet and you’ll find they are not often found without one. Rings are rarely if ever worn as they are a bit too feminine, even for a metro. Sunglasses are the trendiest possible and come in a variety of styles from aviator to classic motorcyle. They are rarely actually worn over the eyes though, but rather on top of the head. Do not be fooled by the seemingly carefree placement of said glasses. The truth is that the metro has encoroprated this accesory into his hairstyle and spent an extra ten minutes fixing it in place to make it look as flawless as possible. Scarfs are quite acceptable for metros, and they wear soft varieties in every color and pattern. Except for plaid.
To relax, a metro will wear sweats just like any other man. The difference being that their sweats are not gathered at the ankles and instead will be more expensive than most jeans even, as well as having a matching hoodie. They are immaculately cared for and most certainly not used for actually sweating in. Such a thing is not the way of a metro.
Metros are not ashamed to wear coats as many men are, though they will avoid it if they can in order to show off their outfit to best advantage. There is a breaking point though for them at which point they must encorporate a jacket into their ensemble. For metros, the simpler the jacket the better. They prefer lightweight, well fitted and often colorful and cheery. Denim, however is a good alternative, especially when the metro wants to channel a bit of rebel that day. When it comes to hats you will never ever find one on a metro. It would ruin their hair.
Besides grooming habits, you’ll find a few other differences between metros and normal men. Metros are always always always beautiful, tan, and well toned. Their teeth are unnaturally white, their skin smooth and perfect, often softened with coconut or shea butter and of the soft quality of a two year old. Their hair is usually spiked somehow, or textured messily, albeit extremely deliberately. One hair color is never good enough for a metro. They must have blonde or carmel tips or at least some form of highlights as well. Eyebrows are perfectly groomed, facial hair is usually non-existant, save in extreme circumstances. They are always confidant, always well spoken, and always extremely laid back. A metro knows he looks good and it oozes out of his every pore, it’s the only thing that’s allowed to.
So, are metros so much better than normal men? Hmmm…a difficult question. There are many women who seem to prefer this metro movement, as they like the neatness and tidiness of the fellows, not to mention their impeccible taste in clothing and footware. However, there are many of us who prefer the plaid wearing, loopy pantsed, low fuss no hassle kind of man. As for myself, I certainly see the allure of a metro, but in the end I think I would be more comfortable with the classic garden variety kind of man. I would like to be able to touch a man’s hair and not have him recoil in horror, not have to worry if he’s better dressed than I am, and not have to worry about him getting frostbite on his flip flop garbed toes. In the end I suppose I’m just simply not up to the challenge of keeping up with a metro. For you women who can handle such a task, more power to you! In the meantime, I think I’ll stick with the classics, and enjoy my superiority of grooming as opposed to feeling hideously underdressed on every date. To all metros, you are a special breed! It is not any man who can wear pink with pride like you do!
Just in case you don’t know if you’re a metro or not, I have composed a small quiz. If you answer yes to seven or more of these, you may be a metro…if not, you’re just well groomed and congratulations! That is a rare thing!
You could be a metro if…
You use any kind of toiletry with a french name
Your hair has been colored in any way shape or form
You take pride in your eyebrows (you groom them frequently enough!)
You look in the mirror more than twice a day
Your socks don’t cover your ankles
You actively work on your tan
Nothing EVER gets under your fingernails
You buff your nails in your spare time
You prefer coats in baby or powder blue
You wear really short shorts when you go jogging
You put lotion on your hands
You wear chapstick
You think Johnny Depp looks good in eyeliner
You shave every day (unless you don’t naturally grow much facial hair…)
You habitually chew gum
You wear ANY form of jewelry (unless married)
You read GQ magazine
You think Justin Timberlake is pretty cool
Your shoes cost more than 60 dollars
You exfoliate ANYTHING
You wear sunglasses on your head indoors
You shop at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
You know who Vera Wang, Donna Karan, and Tommy Hilfiger are
Now keep in mind, this is not a put down on metros. So if you are one or know one, more power to ya! I love metros as much as the next girl, I just could never go through that much trouble to keep up with one. So metro away and keep getting those manicures! If I can’t have perfect nails, at least someone will!
First of all, what is a metro? I read in Wikipedia that a metro is, “according to British journalist Mark Simpson, the trait of an urban male of any sexual orientation (usually heterosexual) who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle”
That is a metro in a nutshell, but in today’s mixed up and confused world it is not always so easy to tell a metro from a normal man. So here is a few tips to differentiate the two.
When grooming, a normal man will (on a good day at least) get up, take a shower, run a comb or even just a hand through his hair, brush his teeth, and then slather or spray some powerful odorous thing under each arm in an attempt to ward off any unpleasant…musk. Toenails and fingernails are trimmed haphazardly, often with old clippers or sometimes even teeth (though usually this only applies to fingernails). Hair products are minimal, save for when attempting to attract a female at which point product is applied with often unfortunate results, though after some time the average male can get some semblance of style down consistantly, whether good or bad. Likewise when attempting to impress the opposite gender, men will drown themselves in cologne or aftershave, trying to gain the notice of women through the pure power of smell alone. Why they do this is a very curious thing that many of us women still do not understand to this day. Perhaps they just have poor noses in comparison, it is a very inexplicable and strange phenemon.
When it comes to style, the average man has simple and classic tastes. Usually jeans or cargo pants and a t-shirt, long or short sleeved. If they feel like being a bit on the hip side then they will wear hoodies with trendy logos or pictures of dogs doing some kind of activity possible only for humans and meant to be somehow amusing. Obscene and/or clever quotes and wittisisms are very popular these days too, especially on T-shirts. If they are a bit more on the classy side then they will wear sweaters often picked out for them by some relative or other but one that they wisely choose to wear nonetheless. If it is an especially wise man he will choose one that flatters him, which is all too rare these days unfortunately. Footwear is generally sneakers, though hiking boots are not uncommon. Occasionally you will run across converse or skater shoes, though this is more in men under thirty and depending on the young man’s extracurricular activities and if they involve rolling about on a piece of wood with wheels and jumping it off anything they can, resulting often in injury and somehow also resulting in them being “mega cool.”
When it comes to accessories, normal men generally wear them out of neccesity and not the giddy joy that women and metros wear them for. Sunglasses are worn when the sun is out, unless they are making a desperate attempt to be cool in which case they were them whether it’s sunny or not and often look like they’re trying much too hard. Socks are often of the tube variety and will commonly have multiple holes in them, which is likewise common with underwear and in fact every other article of their clothing as well. Watches are manly and functional, and often very durable despite the fact that the most strenuous and dangerous thing the man will be doing is pumping gas or pulling in at McDonald’s. The titanium encased watch face is rarely ever touched, let alone in danger of being scratched, and the nuclear radiation proof coating is very much, a superflous and wasteful extra. Real men never ever wear scarfs unless they are snowboarding, in which case they will always be made of some quirky flannel in a vivid color, or unless their mother’s raised them to believe that it is ok for men to wear scarfs, in which case it is a sad and persecuted life the poor lad must have led.
The most manly of men will have pockets and loops everywhere. These are places to put tools that they do not have but have a place to put if the need should ever arise. 99.9% of men never ever use these pockets and loops, but it is important to them that they be available just in case they obtain some tool and need a place to put it. When it comes to pants, everything they wear is also double stitched. No trousers for these men unless it is forced upon them either through religion or occupation, at which point they will immediately rebell and put on a pair of sweat pants upon returning to their homes. Often with white tube socks and little else, depending on the man.
There is usually a cardinal rule when it comes to hats and coats for normal men. If it looks appropriate to wear whilst shooting a deer or other woodland creature, then it is suitable for their needs. Stocking caps or hats with earflaps are always the manliest of head garb, and if they can be found in some kind of plaid then so much the better. Plaid after all, is a man’s favorite color.
Now that we have covered the habits of most normal men, let us go on to metros!
When a metro arises in the morning, he knows he has much to do. He gets up, showers and exfoliates, usually with a product that either smells of food or a spice of somekind, preferably sandlewood as it is one of the more sophisticated scents. He rinses, lathers, AND repeats with some great shampoo he bought at the salon, often in a shiny red or metallic blue bottle that cost $14.95 and is gone in about two and a half weeks at the rate he uses it. When through with his shower/exfoliation he steps out and dries, putting on a designer deodorant of some kind, often Calvin Clein or Armani. From there he goes for the face, putting on his specially medicated, dermetologist reccomended facial scrub, rubbing in clockwise circles in order to stimulate blood flow to the skin and bring about a fresh healthy glow. He rinses and pats dry with the gentlest touch possible, whereapon he begins the shaving process, which is always with a normal razor for the closest shave he can, and followed up with a lightly scented after shave. Eyebrows are checked in a magnifying mirror to make sure that there are no strays since the last waxing, and plucked quite carefully if there are any. A dual sunscreen/moisturizer is used next and then after dressing, he can start on his most troublesome and time consuming task. The hair. A metro’s hair takes on average anywhere from ten to forty five minutes of preparation. If his stylist cut it correctly and he has his art down, it will take less time, but if he wants to look particularly good, the very same style will take an extra thirty to thirty five minutes, just to be sure every hair is in place and isn’t going to go anywhere. A metro is well educated in the different kinds of hair product and which ones look the best with his hair type. He will buy several kinds for variety and for different occasions and keep them all neatly on the counter for display and easy accessibility. Q-tips are used in nearly every way you can imagine, for a metro knows how to use these small and wonderous grooming tools to the best of their advantage. Toenails and fingernails are never clipped by the metro. Such things are far too important to handle oneself. Instead manicures and pedicures are had every week or two in order to keep them cuticle free and properly shiny. When it comes to cologne, the metro has a very light touch. Knowing that just a hint of some highly expensive and subtle scent is more than enough to drive women to distraction as opposed to overloading her senses and giving her a headache.
Clothing is almost as important to a metro as his hair is. He buys everything he owns at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch. There are no exceptions unless he wants to go especially fancy and buy designer. His jeans usually are either faded or ripped, but it is never ever on accident. They fit well over his thighs and fanny and then flare out just the tiniest little bit at the ankles in the trendy boot cut style. As for boots though, he never wears them. No, he wears flip flops if at all possible, even in icy frigid 30 degree wheather. If he is indeed forced to wear actual shoes, the metro will wear sneakers, but not just any sneakers, truly fancy and aerodynamic sneakers. Often puma and in bright green, yellow, or red, depending on the outfit. T-shirts may be worn, but they are always either a solid color or they bear the logo of the store they were bought at. Sweaters can be worn, but are not very common, instead you will more likely find trendy and fitted hoodies in various colors, though none so common as brown. Socks are always well kept and very short. You often will not see a metro’s socks because of this fact, that is if he’s even wearing any at all. It is also not uncommon to see a metro wearing pink. It is very popular and one of the surest ways to spot a metro from a mile away. Keep in mind however that there are some normal men who wear pink because they find it amusing. Do not get these confused with real metros. Poser men wear pink with amused grins, real metros wear pink with pride.
When it comes to accessories, metros shine. Watches are often leather and in the form of a trendy cuff, often giving them a rebellious little statement which they know is very attractive. Necklaces are not uncommon, but only if they are made of small sea shells or certain types of small pendants. No chain necklaces will be seen on a metro, for that is a breach of good taste. No bracelets are found either unless they are those rubbery rubber band like ones that often say things like, “Luck,” and “Joy” on them. These are the metro’s bracelet and you’ll find they are not often found without one. Rings are rarely if ever worn as they are a bit too feminine, even for a metro. Sunglasses are the trendiest possible and come in a variety of styles from aviator to classic motorcyle. They are rarely actually worn over the eyes though, but rather on top of the head. Do not be fooled by the seemingly carefree placement of said glasses. The truth is that the metro has encoroprated this accesory into his hairstyle and spent an extra ten minutes fixing it in place to make it look as flawless as possible. Scarfs are quite acceptable for metros, and they wear soft varieties in every color and pattern. Except for plaid.
To relax, a metro will wear sweats just like any other man. The difference being that their sweats are not gathered at the ankles and instead will be more expensive than most jeans even, as well as having a matching hoodie. They are immaculately cared for and most certainly not used for actually sweating in. Such a thing is not the way of a metro.
Metros are not ashamed to wear coats as many men are, though they will avoid it if they can in order to show off their outfit to best advantage. There is a breaking point though for them at which point they must encorporate a jacket into their ensemble. For metros, the simpler the jacket the better. They prefer lightweight, well fitted and often colorful and cheery. Denim, however is a good alternative, especially when the metro wants to channel a bit of rebel that day. When it comes to hats you will never ever find one on a metro. It would ruin their hair.
Besides grooming habits, you’ll find a few other differences between metros and normal men. Metros are always always always beautiful, tan, and well toned. Their teeth are unnaturally white, their skin smooth and perfect, often softened with coconut or shea butter and of the soft quality of a two year old. Their hair is usually spiked somehow, or textured messily, albeit extremely deliberately. One hair color is never good enough for a metro. They must have blonde or carmel tips or at least some form of highlights as well. Eyebrows are perfectly groomed, facial hair is usually non-existant, save in extreme circumstances. They are always confidant, always well spoken, and always extremely laid back. A metro knows he looks good and it oozes out of his every pore, it’s the only thing that’s allowed to.
So, are metros so much better than normal men? Hmmm…a difficult question. There are many women who seem to prefer this metro movement, as they like the neatness and tidiness of the fellows, not to mention their impeccible taste in clothing and footware. However, there are many of us who prefer the plaid wearing, loopy pantsed, low fuss no hassle kind of man. As for myself, I certainly see the allure of a metro, but in the end I think I would be more comfortable with the classic garden variety kind of man. I would like to be able to touch a man’s hair and not have him recoil in horror, not have to worry if he’s better dressed than I am, and not have to worry about him getting frostbite on his flip flop garbed toes. In the end I suppose I’m just simply not up to the challenge of keeping up with a metro. For you women who can handle such a task, more power to you! In the meantime, I think I’ll stick with the classics, and enjoy my superiority of grooming as opposed to feeling hideously underdressed on every date. To all metros, you are a special breed! It is not any man who can wear pink with pride like you do!
Just in case you don’t know if you’re a metro or not, I have composed a small quiz. If you answer yes to seven or more of these, you may be a metro…if not, you’re just well groomed and congratulations! That is a rare thing!
You could be a metro if…
You use any kind of toiletry with a french name
Your hair has been colored in any way shape or form
You take pride in your eyebrows (you groom them frequently enough!)
You look in the mirror more than twice a day
Your socks don’t cover your ankles
You actively work on your tan
Nothing EVER gets under your fingernails
You buff your nails in your spare time
You prefer coats in baby or powder blue
You wear really short shorts when you go jogging
You put lotion on your hands
You wear chapstick
You think Johnny Depp looks good in eyeliner
You shave every day (unless you don’t naturally grow much facial hair…)
You habitually chew gum
You wear ANY form of jewelry (unless married)
You read GQ magazine
You think Justin Timberlake is pretty cool
Your shoes cost more than 60 dollars
You exfoliate ANYTHING
You wear sunglasses on your head indoors
You shop at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
You know who Vera Wang, Donna Karan, and Tommy Hilfiger are
Now keep in mind, this is not a put down on metros. So if you are one or know one, more power to ya! I love metros as much as the next girl, I just could never go through that much trouble to keep up with one. So metro away and keep getting those manicures! If I can’t have perfect nails, at least someone will!
posted by Ezre at 10:57 PM
1 Comments:
I still can't tell the difference between a metrosexual and a homosexual. HA HA HA!
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